Polyvagal Theory: Why Your Nervous System Holds the Keys to Calm

Have you ever wondered why your body sometimes reacts before your brain catches up? Your heart pounds before a big speech, or you feel instantly at ease when you’re with someone you trust. These moments are part of the quiet, constant work of your nervous system. One way to understand it is through something called Polyvagal Theory, an impressive

term for how our body keeps us safe, helps us connect, and sometimes makes us shut down.

At its core, Polyvagal Theory explains that our nervous system isn’t just a simple on/off switch. Instead, it has three main states. In the first, called the ventral vagal state, we feel safe and social. This is when we laugh with friends, enjoy creativity, or feel calm in our own skin. In the second, the sympathetic state, our body prepares for action. Heart racing, muscles tensing, mind racing, this is the familiar fight-or-flight mode. And then there’s the dorsal vagal state, where the body shuts down when stress feels overwhelming. It can feel like disconnection, numbness, or exhaustion.

What makes this so important is that it changes how we see ourselves. Instead of blaming ourselves for being “too anxious” or “too checked out,” we can start to understand that these shifts are survival strategies built into our biology. Your nervous system isn’t trying to sabotage you, it’s trying to protect you.

The encouraging part is that we’re not helpless passengers. With a little awareness, we can learn to guide ourselves back toward calm. Something as simple as slowing down your breath, humming softly, taking a walk, or spending time with someone who feels safe can send a powerful message to your body: you’re okay. Over time, these small practices can help retrain your system to return more easily to a state of balance.

Polyvagal Theory isn’t just science, it’s a reminder that our bodies are always talking to us. By learning to listen, we can move through stress with more compassion for ourselves, find steadier ground, and strengthen the connections that make us feel alive.